Tuesday, 13 August 2013

10 things I learnt from my ex



After a break-up there are lots of things that seem to get left behind -  pieces of your heart, that great mug you forgot in the kitchen cupboard, the photo album you can never look at again, the dreams you had with that person..... but I have come to realise that there is one main thing you always get to take with you after a big heartbreak, the lessons.

So here is a list of a few of the lessons (there are loads) that I learnt from being with my ex for 7 years (Dear ex boyf, if you are reading this, Thank you so much for the lessons - the good and the bad. I'm glad you were in my life for so long. love always )
 
1. To love & be loved is an amazing thing - never take it forgranted while you've got it. 
2. Everyone argues sometimes, it's about what and how you argue that matters (choose your battles wisely, dont make it ugly and try not to sweat the small, silly things)
3. Insecurities are very unattractive, try keep them in check.
4. Don't neglect your friendships while you are in a relationship.
5. If he really wants to be with you for the long haul, he will buy you a ring. If he doesn't, you are probably not the one for him (tough one, but no point living in denial)
6. Moving in together too soon is never a good idea (it just isn't, trust me on this)
7. Red wine, riding on the back of a Harley and taking photos are things I really like.
8. Your partner cannot & should not be your everything (see no. 4) - So never completely lose yourself in someone else, neglect your needs or stop doing the things you enjoy.
9. Hardly anything beats climbing into bed with someone you love after a rough day.
10. When one person stops trying,the relationship is already over - and no amount of effort and love from one person can save it unless you work as a team again.

What's one lesson you learnt from being with your ex? 


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23 comments

  1. Such wise lessons too. I think every ex has taught me something, after all every person is in your life for a reason. The hardest thing is to put the lessons you have learned into use in the next relationship.

    xoxo One Stiletto At a Time fashion and beauty blog

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  2. Not sure if you've read this already, but it's for every woman who has fallen in love and had her heartbroken. http://chelseatalkssmack.blogspot.com/2013/08/for-all-my-sisters.html

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  3. Well said babe, being able to write about it means its healing, things will only getter better now xxxxx

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  4. great list J! Some good lessons for those in relationships to remember too! *hugs*

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  5. I think the most important thing I learned from my last ex was not to judge women who stay in abusive relationships because you don't know the specifics. It took me a year to walk away from this guy, even though I knew long before him how abusive partners work. By that time he had managed to alienate me from almost all my friends and family and it was only after it ended that I was able to finally admit to myself that it had been what it was...

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  6. All so so true Janine! I am so sorry you are healing this broken heart, but remember that time heals everything. I have learnt that you have to learn to make yourself happy before anyone else can make you happy, don't rely on someone else for that happiness and always keep your independence.
    x

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  7. AWESOME post....thanks for sharing! Relationships, I feel are similar to the way music is the soundtrack of your life, ruminating over your ex allows you to gauge where you were emotionally when you dated him. With the benefit of hindsight, it’s obvious that you dated (or perhaps married) the charmer because you needed affirmation. The workaholic because you weren’t ready to really commit. The party animal because you were craving a little excitement. The important thing is that you don’t judge yourself too harshly about your ex or take a failed relationship as a personal failure. So it didn’t work out. You’ve learned a major life lesson (maybe more) and are now armed with the knowledge to move on. Now that you know better, you can do better. After all, you deserve it.

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  8. agreed - all good lessons and things to look forward to in life when you find a new beautiful man to share it with.
    finding a man that is with you for the long haul and is ready to work through the tough times is a gem - so when you find him don't let go - but until then you have me... your crazy friend! *sigh* its ok I will go away EVENTUALLY!!! hahahaha

    xxx
    BB

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  9. What an amazing post!!!! I wish a friend of mine and my SIL would take note of this list especially point 4 and 8!

    I learnt a lot of good and hard lessons with my last ex and thank goodness I did but I am now happily married and have never repeated the bad things/habits etc I/we did in my previous relationship.

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  10. I've been really lucky in that I married my second boyfriend, so my lessons were limited to just one break up, which fortunately was completely amicable and we remain friendly to this day. The biggest lessons I learned from him are that I deserve true and unconditional love, that soul mates DO exist and that we must never settle for anything less than that, and when a relationship is based on friendship - you are off to a winning start!!

    I think that we can learn a lot from every relationship - whether it's with a partner, colleague, old friend or new, family member or ex; if you open yourself up to the lessons then it will have been a worthwhile experience. Let go of the guilt, blame and negativity. Choose to be grateful for the messages, lessons and gifts you received from that person instead!

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  11. wise words and very true lessons

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  12. Great lessons,Brazen. You're a super hero x

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  13. Everyday in life we learn a little bit more about ourselves, what we love and what we don't, and so we grow into the person we want to be.

    If you are in a relationship where you only grow into the person that you think you should be or need to be in an effort to please someone else, then you are in the wrong relationship!

    Life is short enough as it is!

    Best thing about a break-up after a long time in the wrong relationship for me was trying new things (and forgotten old things) and figuring out who I was again! It was a wonderful journey.

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  14. i totally agree with all the lessons, especially no. 6 & 10. my ex husband moved in right from the start. beginning of september this year it will be a year since the divorce. and like "anonymous" says - try new things and figure out who you are. i did that and am amazed at what i have done so far.

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  15. I absolutely love this post. It made me remember so many things from past relationships, but also made me appreciate the one I'm in right now - and also reminded me of a few things to keep in mind - after all, you never know how things will turn out.

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  16. If you can't be happy alone, in the long-term, you won't be happy with anyone. And it is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.

    (Can you tell I spend more time single than in relationships? :D)

    Thank you for the lessons and keep learning and growing xxx

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  17. Great lessons Janine, you one strong chick! Keep your head up!

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  18. I agree with so many on the list, you seem like such a wonderful women - Your Mr Right is out there someday and somehow it'll come together :-) xoxoxo

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  19. One must first learn to love themselves before they can truly love another. Hiding your true self from the world will always end in heartbreak. Living in denial, does not make the truth any less real. Before you can find another you must first find yourself. Sometimes you must put others feeling first to attain balance. In good times and bad is more then just words. And last but not least...

    Be honest with yourself and let the rest fall into place.



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  20. Wow, all of them are so true. Nicely written post

    x Natalie

    http://coraltintedperceptions.blogspot.com

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  21. If you feel you have nothing to lose...You will believe you have nothing worth fighting for

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  22. It's tiring running in circles, while chasing another along a tight rope

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  23. Wow. #5 hit me like a ton of bricks,i just had an epiphany. Iv realised iv been making alot of excuses for my ex,blaming all sorts of outside elements for why he couldnt commit. This is what i needed to see to finally close that chapter. Thank you.

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